I suppose along this journey of cabin blogging, there will be times such as this when my heart is so full of "Life," that I must pour it out to you...
A heart full of Life...
"Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth & dies, it remains by itself alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit..." John 12:24
It is absolutely amazing to me, how death brings life... That is truth. In order for there to be new life, there must be death... We can see this in nature all around us. Leaves falling now, new life to come in Spring.
How can it possibly be, that the very death of the one I held more dear than any other, my husband, is bringing forth MUCH life in me??? How can it be? That is truth...
It is only by the grace & power of the one true God that I can be thriving, growing, blossoming, learning, loving during a time of such tremendous loss, pain, suffering, & affliction... It is God's grace that is sustaining me. But not just sustaining me, Strengthening me. Making me stronger than I was before. Empowering me with boldness & understanding that I did not know before. It really has nothing to do with me at all. It is His power flowing through this vessel that is filling me with LIFE... What a powerful pearl.....
This is the message of this season of my life.
This season...
Seasons change, always. But there are always seasons. If there were not seasons, there would be no new life. Each season has it's purpose, & with it comes new life...
There are many stories about the man I loved & the relationship we shared that need to be told, but the one the Spirit of God has laid heavy upon my heart is this....
Stewart & I had a crazy love adventure. One that after 2 years of friendship & secretly in love with eachother, but never saying a word about it or acting upon, only praying for God's guidance, Stewart decided it was time to make a move.
It was our first "date." We spent a day at the lake, waterskiing of course, & it was amazing... Our first time really "alone" together on a planned outing. I was thinking, "he must really like me."
I had gotten back in the boat after an endurance slalom run & Stewart asked me to drive the boat. I sat in the driver's seat happy to do it. He put a blindfold over my eyes & said, "I want to see how much you trust me..."
I never flinched. I let him blindfold me, & I drove that boat down the lake, 40 mph, completely blindfolded, trusting him, listening for his guidance, for his every word telling me which way to turn, to steer... I trusted him 100%...
I never asked him why he did that. I wish I had. I would love to know what compelled Stewart to do such a thing. Then again, I know why he did it...
He told me we were going to eat at a friend's house for lunch. When we got to our destination, (by me blindly driving us), he helped me out of the boat & led me up to a beautiful waterfall.
When we got up to the top, Stewart removed the blindfold from my eyes, & with a dozen roses in 1 hand & my hand upon his wildly beating heart, with tears in his eyes, he told me for the first time that he was in love with me, & that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me...
He then asked me to join him in a period of courtship. A time of dating & getting to know eachother much better with the intention that we were getting married. Of course, I said heck yes...
This event is so vivid in my mind right now, because the Spirit of God is showing me that this is exactly where I am at right now with the Lord. I am at a place of blindly trusting God with my life, my future. It's a scary place to be. I feel as if the Lord has a blindfold on me & is leading me as I am driving the course of my life. He is wanting to court me, to whisper in my ear, "turn this way, turn that way," as I blindly trust Him... All the while He is wanting to be my husband.
What that truly means is not understandable to me at this point. But then, that is the blind journey of discovery I am on...
The blind journey of trust with Stewart to our destination led to the beautiful climax of love unfolding, love revealed & manifested fully.
I am on the blind journey now & the Lord has placed himself as head over me, leading me to the destination. What that will look like no one knows. But God is the God of HOPE, & the God of RESTORATION, so I know & fully expect there to be a beautiful climax that unfolds...
"These light & momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes on what is UNSEEN & not on what is seen. For what is seen is temporary, & what is UNSEEN is ETERNAL..." 2 Cor 4:17-18 NIV
Psalm 34...
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Oh, Rach. So beautiful. I don't have words, truly. Other than I love you, and I'm so incredibly in awe of how you're allowing God to draw out this new LIFE in you. XOXOXO, my friend.
ReplyDeleteRachel- First of all, I LOVE hearing how God is speaking to you- through precious memories of Stewart. I am so incredibly sorry that you have lost your sweet husband so soon but I am so encouraged by your heavenly focus and so very interested to see God's destination and beautiful climax that you spoke of. Keep standing on His Truth, girl! So amazed by you and have been praying for you. love, Kelly Dorough
ReplyDeleteCan you put a disclaimer that tears may come when reading your blogs?
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I'm balling. Probably because I remember this story so well when you told me after it happened. I was so, so happy for you, and I knew that Stewart was the man God had intended for you to be with forever. *wiping tears, hold on* ... Whew. Rach, you are deeply loved by not only Stewart and friends, but most importantly our Lord and Saviour. I am so happy to know that you are able to trust without knowing the outcome. That is faith, my friend. And just imagine what "waterfall" God will lead you to next! Though it will never replace the experience you had with Stewart, it will be a new season, like you said.
I SO remember you telling me about this right after it happened, thus the reason for my tears because it brings back those memories for me as well. I don't know if it's selfish for me to say I miss Stewart a lot, because he was yours. However the spirit of God in him is what was so amazingly special, and you are one lucky, blessed, and rewarded daughter of the Lord to be united with such a man as Stewart.
I love you, and I'm hoping you continue to focus, trust, and have faith that though things happen that are out of our control, it's refreshing to know that there IS someone in control - Jesus. xoxo
Rachel! This post was so encouraging to me! Thank you for sharing. It's amazing what God has had planned for you all your life and what season you are in now! He is so thrilled at your dedication to him and loving that he has all of you!! I love you Rachel!
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel, we're your neighbors! Rick spoke to you yesterday at Organic Harvest. We'd love to stay in touch and get with you. I spoke with you one time too at the store and you said you were building a log cabin out here. Call or come by!
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I find FB to be the most wonderful thing sometimes.. Wondering around I found your wonderful video tribute to your husband. Leading me to your page and then on to your blog where I have spent the last 2 hours reading as far back as it goes I guess. Learning from your words, and seeing from your photo's of this wonderful journey the two of you were on. Building your own log cabin.. I mean, who does that.. :) It's amazing. And then the words you blogged after his death really taught me a lesson. I have often went through things where I thought I had leaned on God, or turned to God, but after hearing your story of courage now through all this with God beside you... You really are an inspiration of leaning on Him...
ReplyDeleteI know you don't know me... But my heart just goes out to you and your family and I just wanted you to know that you both have inspired me to really seek a closer walk with God..
I am looking forward to more updates on the log cabin as well.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful story. God bless and keep you always. LUV