I've been thinking for quite some time about the name of the blog, and have known there would come a day when it would be time to change it, though I didn't know when or what it would be.
I believe that time has now come...
As I continue forward in life, I am finding there is a process & natural rhythm to things, just as there has been a process to grief. I've learned to lay down parts of my heart that I thought were my future, but instead were for a moment & a part of history. In the unfolding of the rhythm I have gained a strength to be able to accept reality as it is. In accepting this new reality, I've learned to step back & view my life as well as the dreams Stewart & I were pursuing with a new perspective, leading me to ask questions about where to go from here.
I am reminded of one of the first few phone conversations I ever had with Stewart when we first met. We were talking about different dreams & desires we had. I told Stewart I had a desire to build a log cabin. He said, "I do too!" I said, "But I want to build it. With my own two hands. I want to hand peel the logs & everything." He said, "Oh! That would be awesome."
It is a vision God had placed in us both. A vision I believe God wants me to continue to pursue. One that did not die just because Stewart died, but instead continues to live on in me. It's interesting to me that even though Stewart & I were building the log garage that I have been working so hard to finish ever since his death, Stewart had already laid the foundation for the house; the house that hasn't been built yet. Stewart has laid the foundation for the house, just as he helped to lay a foundation in me & as he also laid the foundation for this vision to become reality. I NEVER would have started this project if it hadn't been for Stewart. He had the courage needed to start the project. And now I believe it's my turn to have the courage to finish it.
It's a journey for me through unknown territory. There are risks & many things I will learn along the way. I believe God has spoken to my spirit that this journey of building the log cabin is a picture of learning to walk with Him through the unknowns of this life, while completely trusting in His goodness & His Sovereign plan over it all. It's about learning to let God lead me through the building process, while growing my faith & trust in Him. As I am building this cabin, God is building things in me.
As I pray through the process of walking this out, I am asking God to direct the steps of my path; believing He WILL lead & guide me every step of the way.
"I will instruct you & teach you in the way that you should go, I will counsel you with my eye upon you..."
Even though Stewart is no longer with me to see this adventure through, I will own it & continue walking it out as God leads. Stewart's spirit will forever hold a special place inside my heart, but I will always remember that he was the igniter of this flame...